Dumpy Bicycle

Two days ago I made the "jump" to the "Ten Mile" ride. I had to walk up "The Nemesis" from Juniper road to the top and had to walk up the back side of "Cemetery Hill" but I did it! I was prety stoked. I tried again today, even though I wasn't "feeling it". But it worked out better than two days ago. I made it all the way to Sleepy Hollow Road and didn't have to walk all the way up! I didn't even slow down to get past the cemetery. That's not the story. That's what's supposed to happen. The more that you ride the better you are supposed to get. The story is how I was dressed!



I was dressed like this. I know! How could I? No spandex (hold on)? No "tech" fabric (sorta)? So what the hell was I wearing? My gloves were nice gel-palm motorcycling gloves that made the transition very well thank you. I had on LL Bean hiking socks under tennis shoes. Had it been colder or rainier I would have been wearing them under gortex hiking boots.Tear-away insulated wind pants and a nylon wind breaker with a giant, reflective "N" on the back complete the outer layer. A hooded nylon windbreaker at that. Fuck it. As shocking as it may sound, I didn't even knit my own cycling-specific hat! I chose a DepartMart helmet instead. I'm sure that since it's cycling specific, said hat would provide nearly the same protection in the event of a crash, but I'm not sure. I DO know that it wouldn't blow off of my hair.

As much as I would love to rip on people who get overly involved in the fashion of cycling clothing I will have to admit that beyond a shadow of a doubt a shell worn for cycling should NOT have a big ol' hood, unless it zips securely into the collar. In the best of circumstances it billows out behind you in a way that reminds one of exactly NOT a silk scarf of a WWI Flying Ace. It also impedes one's view of traffic as seen over either the left or right shoulder. Under other circumstances it can un-furl itself (from it's position rolled up and tucked under the collar) as you are descending a hill at high speed. This has several effects. First, it scares the heck out of you when you hear the very loud "SNAP" right behind your (fortunately helmeted) head. Secondly, it creates a great deal of drag that is uncomfortable and slows you down like a parchute coming out of the aft end of a dragster.

Under that exotic mix of clothing I wore my GI issued Poly-pro shirt, and on the bottom layer my (too small) cycling jersey and my bike shorts with the little pad thingie in them. It was 48 degrees out today, according to the Interweb, and I was just on the wrong side of too warm with this outfit. The only saving grace is the humungus neck opening of the wind breaker that made quite a nice vent. I tell you these things not to show how much money I spent on my kit or display how fashionable I looked as I achieved neither of these goals. I show you what I was wearing because I want every one to know, especially thos of us old, fat, and new to cycling, that it CAN be done and done on the cheep and without over much regard to what you fucking look like. True to the original nature and intent of this blog, I also posted them for myself. I did this for two reasons. Foremost, I wanted a before shot. I'm topping in at 232 right now. That is the fattest and most disgusting I have ever been in the whole history of me. Secondly, as I reviewed the photos that were taken today, I realized that I do not look totally rediculous in my little outfit. I'm not going to get hired on as a cycling cloths model, that's for sure but a little spandex didn't make my fat rolls pop out that badly.

So there it is. I got out there and did a good job. I did it without breaking the bank on a bunch of "high tech" event-specific clothing and I did it without breaking the bank on a bunch of "old school" tweedy-wooly crap. I used what I had on hand and looked OK doing it. More importantly, I stayed warm and dry and had a great ride!